Why I shouldn’t be allowed to play the sims.

So i got the sims on my phone since yesterday and well.. Not even 24 hours later.. I am married, appearently having an affair with someone (don’t ask me how i was just being nice). AND THERE IS A BABY ON THE WAY.
THIS ESCALATED VERY QUICKLY.
What if this is my future omfg.

fuckyeahsexanddrugs:

the-chubby-nerd:

What the fresh fucking hell did I just look at

wOT

(Source: esoteric-surgery)

flatabsandthighgaps:

loveislikepaint:

rachelzaney:

I WOULD WORK OUT EVERY DAY IF MY WORK OUT PARTNER WAS A WALRUS

Omfg that walrus is doing sittups. Omfg

Why can he do every exercise better than I can though that’s the real question

(Source: yourspiderman)

kablizzy:

thetremblingofmyhand:

thetremblingofmyhand:

the kid that sits behind me in geometry is a really good artist and once I turned around and he was spending an extensive amount of time shading in the collarbones of the guy he was drawing, so I whispered

“careful John, your gay is showing”

and he just winked

So, apparently John has a tumblr and if he sees this I will track all of you down and rip your beating hearts from your chest one by one

Signal boost for John.

When my friend has a sunburn.

sodamnrelatable:

salsa-puppy:

YES!!!

grubbsgrady:

this was the best fucking sass in the movie

(Source: kimlennox)

(Source: billscougar)

best-of-funny:

andrewhussiesbosom:

andrewhussiesbosom:

imagine shooting santa clause out of the sky

IM ALUGHING BECUASE ALL I CAN heAR HIM SHOUTInG IS “ho ho HOLY SHIT”

X